Tiny Man Stories: Safety in a Jar

This is a tiny man story you won’t believe! We all react differently to different things, it’s simple to say what you would and wouldn’t do in a situation you’ve never been in, but once you’re there, well you have to really think about it and possibly admit that what you thought you would do, has no resemblance to what you really are going to do. Basically, if you woke up tiny enough to fit in a jar on someone’s shelf, what would you do?

Think about it, really think about it. You are tiny. Small. Very little and the world is oh so big. The only safe place you have is there in that jar. She’s given you a pillow and blanket and promises to make sure you have food and water, maybe even your own plastic dream house. So, what would you do? I’ll tell you what happened to me, maybe that will help you to decide.

 How I Became Tiny

I wasn’t always tiny, obviously. I was instead a regular sized guy with a girlfriend I seriously underestimated. She and I had a small disagreement in my opinion, that was a huge fight to her. She told me that it really bothered her, when I hung out, talked to or did anything with my ex-girlfriends. We discussed right in the beginning of our relationship, just like she told me later Cosmo magazine recommended.

I agreed that I had no interest in talking to them anyway and she said the same about hers so we happily moved into the next phase of our relationship. The problem was, the phase we were in when we discussed that was the “I hate that bitch I just got dumped by and love you because you let me fuck you” phase in guy land and the “I found a new man I can forget the old one.”

Phase in woman land. See how those two don’t really match up. We’ll agree to anything basically when faced with even the remote possibility of losing the woman we are having sex with. Personally, I think the magazine people know this and tell women to do this to trap us when we aren’t expecting it. But that’s beside the point. The point is that we made a deal and I broke it. She checked my phone and found messages from the ex and me agreeing to meet her.

I wasn’t going to do anything really, but that doesn’t matter. Once we’ve lied, anything else we say is suspect and she was furious. She told me she wished she could shrink me down and keep me in a jar so she would always know where I was no matter what I said. I laughed and told her, fine, if that would get her to stop bitching at me, I’d be happy to live my life in a jar. This was a mistake.

Tiny Man Confined to Life in the Jar

I woke up the next morning. In the jar. She was turning it and rolling me all around, her eyes looked huge, her face magnified by the glass and her voice echoing off it. She explained to me, that apparently wishing very very hard, did sometimes make things come true, especially when you really really meant it.

She wished me tiny. I agreed to it. And whatever power makes things like this happen came through for her. There was no way of knowing how to make me big again, if she was interested in that, which she’s not and no way to even figure out how it happened. I was stuck. I ranted and raved and waved my fist around a lot, but none of that helped and finally she told me if I couldn’t be nice she wouldn’t talk to me and dropped the jar on the bed, stalking out of the room.

This was my chance, freedom! I scampered from the jar and raced for the edge of the bed. I’m not sure where I thought I was going or how I thought I was getting there, but at the time all I wanted was to be away from there. A doctor could help me or a psychic or Oprah or someone. Didn’t matter I was going…Only I wasn’t. I fell, off the bed.

A long way down, into her boot. Her tall, black, high heeled boot that I could not get out of no matter how much jumping I did. Distraught, I was actually happy to hear her coming to save me, until I heard her slide her foot into the other boot! I was about to be crushed! Stomped, smashed, killed by being stepped on. Everything went dark as she slide her foot in. I screamed and wriggled and thankfully she stopped, picked up the boot, flipped it over and shook until I spilled out. I was saved and put back in the jar.

So, I ask you now, what would you do if you were a tiny man in this situation? That jar looks a lot better now doesn’t it?

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